Space for Rent...

The scatterboard blog has gone from this place. and now so should you. Update your bookmarks to:

www.quiteenjoy.wordpress.com

toodles x

Cycles that make you go BANG

Discovered in a quaint little shop in Kangroo vally: This sign boasts that "Enfield cycles" are "made like a gun". Don't think that would make me more enclined to sit on one- let alone travel at 100 miles an hour on one.


- Posted by Brown on the move

Cultural Diffirences

I'm currently visiting the sunny shores of Australia. It's the little
things here that make you realise you are a long way from home. Take
for example this prize item found in a club casio (or Pokey area). In
England we would have a Wooden wine rack- here you get a pigs arse.
Class act.

Beyond our (my) control.

Ok so I'm currently nearly 3 weeks behind on my toneless reviews. Circumstances being the bitch that they are have led me to suspend my ranting reviewing until a later date. Currently I'm on the shores of Australia with an old football named Wilson for company. When I am back on the shores of Blighty the reviews will return with gusto...actually I could write some on the plane couldn't I? Yes...I'll do that.

....You still here?

Retro-fit.

Well here's something you don't see every day...or in fact for 20 years. A very clever person has gone and re-done the original Super Mario Brothers (from the NES) with some alternate nintendo characters for you to play with. Kudos fella...kudos.

you can play it here:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/534416

Tone-less Week#2

Week#2

The Black Keys

Attack and Release

All you ever wanted

If you pay enough attention to the lyrics with this one then it may come across as a rather cheery beat to slash your wrists to. That is until a massive drop comes in near the end to remind you that life aint so bad and you really should give milk another try...(?) As this was supposed to be a voyage of self righteousness, with me being totally justified in hating everything modern musicians can throw at me, I have to confess- this one...she’s nice.

I Got Mine

Ooooh I do like a tasty beat and this one drops you right in it. I think if there was ever a decent contender to the theme from “The Wire” then this is it. Feels very cop show- in fact behind the deliberately messy electric guitar and thuds you can almost see the gritty montage; Picturing all your favorite TV cops in various sages of a “bust” and in saturated shades of red and blue. Excuse me while I grab a gun. Thats better.

Strange Times

They do love a beat- got to admire that. I don’t even care that I can’t understand what they are saying- which as you should have guessed by now is one of my greatest bug-bears (which in itself is a horrifying creature). I can actually feel myself physically nodding my head to this one and, if placed in the right environment, may be forced to stand and wave one arm in the air as if that gesture would mean something to someone somewhere. A secret handshake into the world of cool that has managed to allude me for most of my life. Not that I’m that concerned. I’m quite happy sitting here behind my tinted glass window of success and superiority- listening to this tune. Again please.

Psychotic Girl

This is how i imagine a cross between “Twin Peaks” and a Western would sound. This soul penetrating tune would surely be playing behind the counter of every store in “Twin Dunes” -I reckon thats what they would call it as well- and I’ve got first dibs on that name. Every time I hear the chorus I imagine some bewildered fellow walking in slow motion past a shop window with an old woman eating spiders behind it. Then again I have untold issues. Eerie and compelling to listen to is this one...it has also made me fond of backwards sentences and the idea of a spin off to “Twin Peaks”. Not bad work...for a tune.

Lies

No no no no no- it was going so well boys. We have sacrificed pace and instruments for audibility of lyrics here. Call me a hypocrite but this is a sacrifice to far- given the feel of the rest of the album. I can understand the need for variety on an album- This one is slower, like a decent to madness after a massive ice cream headache, but something just doesn’t fit. The thuds aren't helping said headache either. Depressing. He wants to die without pain, I want to eat another ice cream.

Remember when (Sides A+ B)

Don’t try and sneak another bloody track review out of me just by splitting a track into an A and B side. Hitler tried that. Didn’t fly for him, won’t fly for you Boy-o! Bit of a subdued one this one, not terrible but wouldn’t want it played at my party if you get my drift. One to listen to while outside. One of those songs that kind of gets absorbed rather than listened to. In fact I’ve written half this review without realizing it was playing.

The B side is an astonishing return to form- welcome back boys, where have you been? Good old beat- maybe this is that party version that I was longing for? Well maybe not longing, I mean I only mentioned the party a paragraph ago and it’s not like it was consuming my life. Who are you to judge anyway? See- this is what this song is capable of. It is Attitude in audible form, cue 90’s montage of things getting smashed! Hell yeah!

Same old thing

...Is anything but. This would be track 2 on my fantastical party mix. Get it started with the right over tone. It reminds me so much of another tune I’ve heard but being musically retarded I couldn’t even begin to describe to you which one it is...I guess “you know, the one with the guitar” isn’t going to cut it, is it? Rage against the machine! Thats the one- its got the same sort of feel- just with a very different vocal styling, but i guarantee you- start screaming over the top of the instrumental of this and it would be like Rage are in the room with you...eating your custard creams and stealing your buss fare.

So He Won’t Break

...Yep. I like it. Has the feel of a Cohen Brothers film. In fact I can imagine it in “the Big Lebowski” quite nicely. Would fit well with another bowling sued o dream like sequence...because one is never enough. Very western feel to it. Lovely. Word. Sup.

Oceans And Streams

Is it me or does this one change speed throughout? Like a tape recorder running out of batteries. Could be my imagination - or the fall but it feels like thats what it’s doing. Im in no way saying that in a negative way. Just as a mater of observation. It’s getting difficult to come up with different ways to praise these songs- they certainly seem to be hitting the right spot with me. Old meets...well old really. Bar tunes I guess you would say- but film bar tunes. Where you know it’s not actually playing in the bar- its just there to set the mood that “this is a bar and someone important is going to smash another important guy in the face quite soon”. 

 Things Aint Like They Used To Be

Movie Credits time! As I said in the last review there has to be a song that would fit well with the closing credits of a film- and this is it. Only in this film all the characters in it would have been diagnosed with some fatal illness or been wiped out in a town fire at the end. The title says it all...Things aint like they used to be...you used to be alive.

Album sum up

Well this has been an interesting one. Tapping into my inner soft spot for old time american montage music and then sealing the hole behind using salt with a couple of slit your wrist specials. All in all though I like their style. You could do worse than take a leaf out of the Black Keys book, modern music, as their pages are ripe with reach lesions to be learned in song writing and musical accomplishment. Apart from pages 9-11 which have poo on them.

Positives

• Great Beats
• Catchy “bob you head” tunes.
• Feel “Like a man” while listening.

Negatives

• Lies.
• Style can wander
• Faint whiff of cheese.

Overall

8 / 10

Tone-less Week#1

The Arcade Fire

Funeral

Neighborhood#1 (Tunnels)

Looking at the track listing there seems to be a lot of these “Neighborhood) tracks. As i have no idea as to what they refer I shall ignore them as only an ignorant English man can and assume that the part in brackets should be the actual track title. As a starter for 10 its not half bad. Nice beat with a good build. Seems to house the number one problem I have with music- not being able to understand a damn word in the song. They may as well be moaning “cats on fire” at various pitches and tempos and I’d be none the wiser. Still, nice tune carries it though- anyone finds and instrumental version give me a nod and I’ll give it a 9/10.

Neighborhood#2 (Laika)

“Second verse same as the first”. Again must be in Russian as I don’t understand a word of it- apart from someone telling “Alex that he can do It”. As much as I firmly believe in “Alex” and his ability to “do it” I could have sworn the track title was “Laika”..where’s he/she then? Is she the one controlling the choir of drowning cats in the background. Beats are good though- theres a tune behind that curtain of noise somewhere.

Une Année Sans Lumière

You know I could go on forever about how i can’t understand them so lets just take that as a given until I announce otherwise. Got to hand it to them the tune is solid- as with the other two. This is more relaxed- something you’d laze outside on a sunny day listening to, thinking how great it is to have legs...or similar thoughts. Reminds me a little bit of the Smiths...but that could be because i have jam in my ears... and a broken CD player.

Hold the phone- someones let the guitarist out of the shackles of repression, he decides to spark up at the end of the tune completely altering it’s tone. I can accept that...But I don’t care for it. Back in your cage boy, I was enjoying my thoughts.

Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)

Well well...I hate to throw Linken Park allegations at anyone...so i wont. A heavier outing in this track. Kind of sounds like some one threw extra instruments at Kings of Leon. Not bad though. I actually managed to hear “Power out” somewhere in the dark so at least we’ve got an association with the track name in this one. Kudos. I picture myself in an over thought out dance hall in some hollywood film when I’m listening it it. Could be because it has that kind of beat thats usually heard if you strip a tune of all its Mid tones- or it could be because I see Green and blue flashing lights. Both concern me.

Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)

Starts well with the classic “Fret slip” as i call it- when you can hear the guitarist change chords. Love a bit of that- feels more real. A more melodic feel- something that wouldn’t be out of place in an indie film about love and beaches. No mention of Kettles (only slight hints at watched pots never boiling) but still- none to shabby. Like it.

Crown Of Love

We have a winner! Well in terms of I can understand most of the lyrics! It really does add something you know. Not hearing what they’re saying is like watching couples on Trisha- you know they must understand each other, but to you they are just an irritating waste of skin and teeth that should be locked in a box. Wouldn’t recommend this one if you’ve just broken up with someone and are feeling a little on edge. It will likely pick you up in it’s thin whispery arms and drop you firmly over the side, replacing any jagged rocks at the bottom with spikes made of marble. That is until it goes all disco at the end. Then you can just bob and forget the cliff was even there.

Wake Up

Roll Credits. There has to be at least one track on most albums that can be described as their “Movie credits” one. Tough one to pick the film it would run at the end of. I can’t see it on Saving private Ryan but it could fit Armageddon. Not bad. Bit shouty in parts, but who cares; If all you are doing is looking at squillions of names whizzing past- thinking who came up with the term “best boy” and was he actually any good?  Favorite so far.

Haiti

Very dreamy. Its been playing in the background and I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. If there was a soundtrack to my Brain then this may well come close. It blended so seamlessly into my own inherent “Brain On Hold” music that I hardly noticed it playing. When i did eventually smack myself out of my music educed coma I enjoyed what I heard. But by then I was already into the next track...

Rebellion (Lies)

Slight criticism; one sentence does not a chorus make. As lovely as the statements “every time you close your eyes” and “underneath the covers” are, the repetition makes them sound similar to a nematic drill sparking up at 5AM after a victory over a rather vicious case of insomnia 10 minutes previously. Next.

In The Back Seat

Is it telling that I pre-judged the content of this song? “Sleeping in my car” by Roxette came immediately to mind. I must say I judged wrong. I have no idea what it’s about but its nice. The female vocal lead knows he stuff- still cant talk in English though but I’ve long since let that slide in this album. Swelling strings will take you back to your garden thinking about legs again, but this time it’s probably in the rain...in slow motion...with something aflame in the background. Lovely tune this one. Guitarists get a bit keen now and then but hey, you’ve payed them and made them come to practice- may as well use them eh?

Album Sum Up

The term “Mixed bag” is batted around far to readily and seems like a cheap way out...but I’m all for saving pennies so thats exactly what I’ll call this album. Or varied. Yes, I prefer varied. 

Positives:

: It’s not one of those albums where all the tracks sound like the same one split with chapter markers and a bit of a pause.

: Great backing tunes, Heavy and light catered for.

Negatives:

: Could only understand about 10 words in the whole albums lyrics. That is the equivalent to a Spot the dog: lift the flaps book. In fact that may be the lyric sheet.

Overall

7 / 10

Tone-less (updated)

So, Ant has decided to embark upon an introductory music listening quest of sorts (as explained two articles down) and has asked me to provide him with an album a week from a band, solo-artist or producer of my choice, each week for 26 weeks correlating with each member of the alphabet. Kicking of this week is our favourite alphabet starter, your friend and mine; the letter 'A'

So, taking Anthony straight into a place far removed from his musical comfort zone; I have submitted ARCADE FIRE and their first album 'Funeral' which is a personal favourite of mine. In fact, it goes without saying that each album that I recommend to Mr. Brown, will be one that is particularly close to my heart. That being said, I am prepared for the heartache of knowing that my friend might of course not like my choosing, he may even hate it, and then he might just write horrible things about the music and then in turn about me for forcing him to listen to such unlistenable-indie-toss.

We'll see how that goes, I guess. Keep checking back for the musical critique stylings of Mr. Brown and his review of Arcade Fire's 'Funeral'

- Jenkins

Out of ideas

It would seem that sometimes writers block can hit the people that
name our fine roads and streets here in the UK. This road, in the
creatively named "Sandwich" in Kent, seems to be a result of said
writers block. Surely naming a road "no-name road" takes more time and
ink than calling it something like "Biggles". Biggles seems perfectly
fine- and that only took three seconds of thinking to come up with.
Would have only taken one second if I hadn't had to go and correct the
iPhone spell checker turning "fine" into "lime".

Tone-less

Every week I (Brown) shall be listening to a musical offering provided
by Jenkins. I have no grasp on modern music and like to tar it, with
one big sticky brush the size of china, all as rubbish. So starting
next Saturday I shal be giving my thoughts on the first album on our
list. We are doing this alphabetically week by week therefore next
weeks band will begin with A. I'm sure this will be an enlightening
experience for me with a fair helping of audio emduced violence along
the way.

-Brown

A brief rant at the hairdressing community...

It strikes me as odd that hairdressing even exists as a profit-making industry. I mean, you are born with hair (Alopecia sufferer's aside, of course... sorry guys) and as such are immediately handed a financial crux which you are predisposed to maintain for the rest of your days (unless you go in for the 'Glam Metal' look like anyone resembling members of Aerosmith, Kiss, Boston, Cheap Trick or The New York Dolls)

I suppose to a point, I don't mind it... it's important to look your best these days, so a good hair cut can help you to attract a mate so that you may do your part in maintaining the somewhat irresponsible over-population of this already exhausted planet that we like so much.

That being said, the fundamental point of this rant isn't in the necessity for grooming, neither is it the cost (though it does add to the annoyance)... but no, the core of my complaint is in the hairdresser not holding up their end of the bargain.

I went to my local barbers last Friday, killed 15 minutes reading some of the dog-eared literature provided, and was then sat down in a chair by a woman who was not my regular hairdresser (she was seeing someone else, the hussy) and immediately I was dismayed. I took one look at the sour-faced pug who was to be my remodeller, and longed for the brisk air of the street outside the salon, as the perma-tanned bint holding the scissors had a look of sheer disdain at my sudden interruption of her day, and I am quite sure the look I reciprocated wasn't one of any good tidings, either.

Great. Two people who under any other circumstance would not share as much an air molecule in their combined lifetime, now being forced to not only occupy the same space on Earth, but also to interact through casual conversation and kindly ignore their dislike for the others lifestyle choices. It was clear to me she was a self-centered Chav; it was clear to her that I was a pompous twat.

Brilliant.

I realise that I am going on a bit of a tangent now, so in order to reign it back in, I will say this as briefly as I can.

The overall experience of getting my hair cut was naff. She didn't do it right. She styled it in a way that looked cool at the time, but that I have been unable to replicate in any of the days since passed. I have tried wax, gel, gum, sugar & water (an old punk trick), leaving it as when I awoke, using a different shampoo, using no shampoo at all, letting it settle, roughing it up... nothing.

A well and truly shit haircut that I can't do a god-damned thing about.

If you ever find yourself in Austins Barbers on Whitefriars Street; make sure you hair is either cut by the man himself, or the lovely Brazilian lady with the curly hair. Do NOT go the dumpy, freckled, unevenly-chested sow with an attitude on her face, who smells vaguely of despair and unrealised dreams.

- Jenkins

Confusing instructions...

Can't decide if this is intentional or a slight oversight...Why call
your company SET-ON then position it directly above the word "FIRE"?
I'm taking it as an instruction.

Sacrificing Blood for points...

By far the craziest thing I have seen today (Being that I'm writing this at 9:12 AM today still has a lot to live up to) award goes to this little gem of a DS game.

It has to be seen to be believed. It's a game that tests your blood for diabetes. 

Well more accurately it is a device that tests your blood glucose levels which 

then plugs into a DS that is connected to a game. 

Marketed, I'm presuming, as an incentive for kids to test themselves often 

with the promise of reward. Can this work? I'm putting myself into the mind 

of my self at the target age. I would cheat - surely the more blood the more 

points right? So combine a pencil sharpener blade and a pint glass and you have 

soon to have your grand champion with a total of 200,0000 points. Sure I now

need medical attention and can no loner stand un-aided but check those points! 

Beaten only by Jimmy Carter who gets regular nose bleeds.

Can't wait to see what they do with the pregnancy test version of this. Idiots.

Video Games | | Didget Diabetes Testing Game (DS)

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

-Brown

'Spilt Tea Art'

This morning I started a movement...

I spilt some tea by my back door by accident and in it saw my future:

Making appallingly amature Photoshop art out of spilt tea!

Of course!

How could I have been so blind?!

This is obviously what the stagnated pond we call 'Art has been waiting for...

Now to just sit back and watch the money roll in...

Awwww yeah!

(it's a witch, by the way... see? The Broomstick? No?)

AAAARGH!

So just stop asking me you total charlie . uniform . november . tango

- Jenkins

Your six is on fire...

Right then.

This is all getting a bit silly now.

I think that for those of us who have been toiling against the ridiculous people at the BBC - who think that closing down 6music would be a good idea - for the last few months, it is all getting a bit annoying now. Mainly because it is actually beginning to look like they might just fucking well do it, and that is NO GOOD, people.

With that in mind, I would like to now post up a few links for any of you who would like to get your two-pence in and join a collective of music purists in the hope of stopping 'Auntie' from killing one of her brightest, well-versed, most attractive offspring, in place of a more 'marketable' [read profitable/commercial/soulless] replacement.

So; links then, all sent kindly from Dave James, with help from Jon & Tracy Morter, Laura Payne & Georgina Rodgers, Colin Hammond, 38Degrees and everyone else that is campaigning

Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/SAVE-6MUSIC/382371997208?ref=ts

The BBC Trust Consultation (a survey you could fill in if you like filling in surveys/shouting at people) : https://consultations.external.bbc.co.uk/departments/bbc/bbc-strategy-review/consultation/consult_view

The 38Degrees quicker version - http://www.38degrees.org.uk/email-the-BBC

URGENT - BUY YOUR JOY DIVISION OVEN GLOVES BY SATURDAY NIGHT (10th April)

They are aiming to get Half Man Half Biscuits song Joy Division Oven Gloves into the charts at number 6.
Why 6? Because it is better than 1 or 2!
Please buy this track, which the 6Music DJs have played since the announcement, in support of our great radio station! It's in the top 5 at Amazon but languishing in the 90's at iTunes.....
Details at http://joydivisionovengloves.com

The Protest - There was a lovely protest on the 27th March.
6Music presenters Liz Kershaw, Gideon Coe, Tom Robinson and Adam Buxton spoke to the 800 strong crowd, who also had the pleasure of fine music from Mirrorkicks, Allo Darlin', The Brute Chorus, Black Soul Strangers and The Coal Porters.
The BBC, however, chose not to report it, although national and foreign media covered it.
A massive thank you has to go to Laura Payne and Georgina Rodgers for organising the event, and to all the helpers on the day.
If you haven’t seen the video, enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iQjnnlQuWw
There are also plans being hatched to stage another protest in May.

There has been a very effective letter and email writing campaign that is winning the argument, where supporters of the cause answered every point the BBC has made for closing 6 and politicians of all parties now get the point that 6 is exactly what the BBC should be doing. The BPI and UK Music have just announced they are meeting the BBC Trust - after they targeted them.

Love Jon Parry set up this fantastic email campaign, details - http://keep6email.wordpress.com/

You can also contact the election candidates for your seat and ask them where they stand on the issue of the BBC cuts. 38Degrees have made it easy to find them out and make contact with them on the issue - http://www.38degrees.org.uk/page/speakout/BBCpledge

Adam Buxton from Adam and Joe has made a great cover version of Bowie's Changes – again, enjoy and spread amongst your friends http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKmzd4Cz7CY

Tune in – Keep tuning in to 6Music it’s one of the best ways to show your support.
Also check out the listen again feature on BBC iPlayer and all the great podcasts.

Love and hugs and this and that

- Jenkins

Just say No

At what point do the people responsable for this visual Buggery sit
back and say "yep that looks good. Good work boys- get it blown up to
the size if a house to scare the children would you?".

Shpin-Mentsh (שפּינוועבס - ענטש)

Sometimes life is so fucking brilliant I can't even wrap my head around it!

- Jenkins

the future is scary...

Explain this... WIN PRIZES!!!

Creativity...

Whilst taking one of my frequent first class journeys upon the
underground I came across this. It appears that TFL are treating us to
some tasetefully re-designed tube carrages. The stroke of genius with
this perticular one is that whatever it is supposed to say is obscured
by the open doors. A bold move for what has, up until now, been a very
rigourusly upkept style for the London underground. Bravo TFL, glad to
see the absoloutly fair ticket price I pay every day to travel on your
motorised coffins is being put to good use. That is of course if this
artwork was done by you...on perpouse and not just vandalised while it
was parked outside. In that case clean it...workshy

Friends...

I am currently sat at my desk pausing for reflection and considering my loved ones.

[awwww]

Yes, mushy as it sounds, I am thinking about all the wonderful people I have in my life, be they near or far, whether we spoke yesterday or haven't spoken for over a year; I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of all of you.

I hope you are all enjoying your lives and kicking ass in whatever way is deemed appropriate.

Especial shout outs to the following:

Anthony, Andrea, Jon, Dom, George, Scott, Mike-not-me, Jethro, Martin & Mel, Laura, Mikey, Lorna, Chut, Andy, Ben, Will, Cat, Declan, Fay, Jenny, Isobella, Phil, Nigel, Tanya, Jah'mez & Dylan.

Well done. You all rule.

- Jenkins

A brief daliance on a wasted life

Believe me when I say that in the grand scheme of things; you have done nothing with your life.

Not that I have anything to shout about either... we are all in this predicament. It's not for want of trying either, we've all kissed another human being (I hope), eaten a few really good meals, been to a gig, got drunk, thrown up, embarrassed ourselves in front of a large number of our peers, stood motionless in the rain feeling alive, ran so fast our lungs felt like they were going to burst, abused a sibling, wet the bed, picked our nose, rubbed one out, hid the evidence, guiltily sang along to 'It's Raining Men', dreamed of flying like a bird, stolen at least one item & imagined explicit sexual discourse with at least one public figure of a questionable moral disposition...

but none of us look like this guy:

Now he's LIVED.


Believe.

- Jenkins

Minimal working hours

Looks like you've got to be quick to catch a drink at this pub. With
only an hour licence a day they only need one staff member. Mind you
he's damn buisy at lunch times.

The Power of Advertising

Now I'm all for self promotion but this little stunner I stumbled upon is truly something else. Found in the window of a corner shop I happened to be passing, this advert for a "Mature Black Lady" caught my eye. Upon further inspection it seems this lady is not only capable of providing, what I can only presume is a first class, Zanzibar Massage but also boasts "Most services, 24/7" and most importantly "no rush". These are very important details to be included on an advertisement for a massage I'm sure, but it does beg the question as to what are "most services" and what are the services she would refuse? Give her a call if you are interested to know...except you can't because i've blurred the number. No one gets free advertising here unless a huge bribe is involved.

What I have been listening to...

Another beautifully crafted '5 of the week' for you...

(no particular order but now with clickable links!)

1: Yael Naim - Toxic (16 Bit Dubstep Remix)

2: Gorillaz - Stylo (Alex Metric Remix)

3: Jamiroquai - Canned Heat (Calvin Harris Remix)

4: Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

5: Hot Chip - Thieves in the Night



That'll do, lad... that'll do.

- Jenkins

A Somerset Jam Caravan...

(or James Camerons... Avatar)

Please do ignore the picture by the way. Not having any personal piccies of the man himself, I decided to try and shimmy away from copyright infringement by 'altering' one that already existed. That said, I feel I may have gone the other way with it and perhaps got myself in more trouble with this one.

Oh well.

Right. So, Avatar then...

erm...

errr...

It was kind of...

ummm...

[phew]

I guess you could say it was...

[groan]

It was stunning. Truly stunning. Fuck. You have no idea how much it pains me to say this because it was just the same with that fucking boat movie with the naked chick and the boy-man.
I didn't want to see it. Brown made me see it. I didn't want to like it. I liked it.
(Annoying, no?)

Yes. mainly because there were so many reasons why I shouldn't have liked it.
I mean, let's face it; t'was a tad contrived, was it not? Artificial worlds. Energy born of everything, borrowed by all, kept by none. Man as the destroyer. Hope. Truth. Pantheism. Blue people. Spirituality in its most byte-sized format so that everyone [read, dumb people] can enjoy it. Hallelujah Mountains. Countless arrays of degenerative extras shouting "Get some!" every other minute among the human marine corps masses. etc etc etc...

Yet, despite the shonky dialogue, abysmal pessimism towards our species' own inevitable demise, incessant need to make every inch of flora and fauna 'neon-rave' luminous and the obligatory wheeling-out of another 'film-score-by-numbers' James Horner soundtrack; I actually really fucking loved it!?

Confussed? Yeah, same.

I mean it really grabs you. It grabs you by the sack and doesn't let go. You're properly on board. You're in the command centre. You're walking through the jungles of Pandora. You're fighting alongside the Na'vi. You're just there.
This isn't even solely down to the 3D glasses, either. Its an experience, sure, but Avatar would get you there on your own, without a giant 3D cinema screen to aid you. It really is that capable a film.
The story has its many faults, but that still doesn't matter because what you have in front of you is enough to nurse you through even the most arcane, banal dialogue. Shit; if you were deaf, this film would be the greatest thing you had ever seen in your life because your experience wouldn't be impaired in any other way.

So, marks out of 10 then:

Script: 2/10
Story: 4/10
Score: 2/10
Visuals: 10/10

Overall: 10/10

How does that still make it 10/10?!

Just go se it, then we'll talk.

- Jenkins

Enough to make your mind bleed

The creation of the universe, the existance of god, what are the 11
secret herbs and spices? These are just some of the many mysterys if
the world that people have pondered over for eons. One that I myself
am pondering over is this abomination; Star wars the musical. Now I
don't know if I saw a diffident version of star wars to everyone else
(what with there being about 34 diffident versions I admit that is
completely possible) but I dot remember any event in star wars being
that musically driven. With the likes of lion king and other films
being converted to a stage musical I guess it was only a matter o time
until big George took a look at the stage and said- "I haven't raped
that yet, I shall being the world of star wars to the stage, as it was
always ment to be seen- in song!". I shudder to think of the thought
of him adding lyrics to the imprial march- or witnessing the R2D2
dancing midgets. Alas we can be sure of this- it will most likely be 2
hours of watching depressed teenagers, destroying their dreams,
dancing around infront of various shades if green backdrops. Of course
Lucus hasn't realised that chroma keying cannot be done in the eye if
the audience.

A sign of the times we live in

Isn't it funny how our ideals change over time. Take for example this
delightful picture of our late king Henry VIII. Now once upon a
kingdom this would be classed as high treason- but now, in this space
age sounding 2010, it's considered advertising. So instead of the
purpitrators being hung drawn and quartered - they are given a monthly
wage and a pension. See, this is how far the monachcy have fallen in
the public eye. I'm fairly sure you could get away with posting HRH
Queen Elizabeth II in her pants, in a gutter, off her face on
babysham...not that you'd ever get such a shot...she doesn't drink
babysham.

Double Bonus -Top Score!

In the words of a certain neon clad raver from a much beloved TV series of ours- "You lucky People"! Today we launch not only the next episode of our podcast but also a new "Insert title here" sketch.

Recorded over the weekend- episode 7 sees Jenkins apologise to Jesus, exposes the attitudes of cats and conforms to the norm with a "what is hot and what is not" section.

The Insert Title Here sketch is a quick and simple one- saving the bigger ones for later. Enjoy them both and let us know what you think.

You can find the on podcast here: Podcast on iTunes 

Or here for those who don't use iTunes: Podcast site

and you can find the new Insert Title Here sketch here: ITH on YouTube

They are, aren't they?

It seems the sign writers on this Iceland van had a crisis of faith
whilst in the midst of a bold statement. Either that or they forgot
their own slogon (mums go to Iceland) and decided to stop when they
realised the cock-up. It would have been one of those "just let it go
Kev- no one will ever notice if it's just the one" moments. Well
someone did notice. And took a picture. And shared it with the
Internet. Should have listened to Kev really shouldn't you?

Suggestions...

Right then. Let's try a little interaction shall we? Any topics of discussion you would like to hear aired on the next podcast? We'll be doing it tomorrow (Thursday 18th February) so I am cutting it a little fine, but the thought is there. The range of topics is only limited by your ability to think of them, which makes this a completely open forum. This means that if you want to hear a couple of severely under-qualified, ill-informed, and worryingly un-objective people discussing a subject that is dear to your heart then you should get in touch with us immediately with your name, a little bit about yourself, the topic you would like us to discuss and a vague outline of where you are and why you want us to discuss this topic.

Sound simple?

Good. I can't handle complications and neither can he.

Cheers.

- Jenkins

Unacceptable...

This is a primary example of what is wrong with humans having free will.

I'm not saying I don't want it; because without it, I would've made some far more sensible choices and wouldn't have had half as much fun. However; there should probably have been a quick test before dishing it out to everyone, just to make sure you qualify. They make people do it with driving, space exploration, police enlistment, life-guarding, and so on, so why not give a quick 'once over' of every potential life just before it is created in order to establish whether or not that person is going to use their free will wisely, or perhaps if a more suitable candidate would be worth a shot?

Also, I don't know who I am angrier with: The couple themselves for considering this an acceptable attire to wear of a Saturday afternoon whilst shopping in IKEA and polluting my vision with such horrors, or the shopkeeper in the 'alpaca wool atrocities' store, who deemed this double purchase to be nothing more than a cute, 'coupley', irreverent sale that would never be subjected by passersby as any kind of gargantuan eye rape whatsoever.

On this occasion I think I will permit myself to be equally annoyed with all parties concerned, as well as a trifle peeved with IKEA for allowing those two people into their stores. I know this was in Coventry and all, but please, show a little respect.

- Jenkins

Why are you watching this?

Don't watch this. It's boring. Just ignore it and it will go away.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=326326907320&ref=nf

Meat and Greet

Is it just me or are greetings cards a little more brash these days? If a card like this hit the shelves in the 1930's I think people may well have died of shock...either that or they would have sold billions. Maybe everyone was filthy in the 30's but didn't have an outlet. Worth pondering over- still it would have left them scratching their head for a while wondering what the hell a vegetarian was.

Happy Valentines Dismay

Time, once again, to celebrate a wonderful holiday given to us by those selfless people at hallmark- thats right ladies and gentlemen- Happy valentines day! A wonderful day of being guilted into booking a table at the most expensive restaurant in town- where they have doubled their prices and halved their menu just for this one special day. A day where you buy a single rose for the price of renting an allotment for a month. A day where you buy that special someone in your life something that they will use / wear / burn for that one day then never look at again. My wife and I have a wonderful plan for this day...we're going to make pizza. Thats right, just like any other day, and later I may play Bioshock 2. The possibilities are endless with valentines day- so fire up your own cupids bow and hit the little floating fat fecker right between his eyes. Because if you don't he'll just force you down to Marks and Spencer's to buy up one of their Valentines meal deal for 2. £60 and you get a rose too. Bargain.

Dead henchman of the week...

Oh dear.

Silly, silly Lugo. You went and got yourself stabbed through the central median thyrohyoid ligament with a knife thrown across the room by Jack Bauer (after he had removed it from his own stomach, no less)

That'll learn you.


- Jenkins

Old Spice

A little funny to brighten up your thursday- a genius advert from old spice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE&feature=player_embedded

Mad Bazza...lord of skips

Down today, Up...Well later that day.

Don't know why it happened- or if it will happen again. The RSS feed running the blog front page on quiteenjoy went down today but- as you can hopefully see- is now working like a charm. Don't think it was down to us either- oh no. We didn't touch a thing and it started working again. Now to solve the mystery why the twitter feed boxes keep getting closer together...I tell you the work never stops.

Dido.
Josef Fritzl.
Gene Shalit.
Jeremy Kyle.
Heather Mills.
Jim Davidson.
Andy Parsons.
Davina McCall.
George W Bush, Jnr.
Terence Trent D'Arby.
Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexis Infield Price (no, I am not kidding... that is her whole name).

As soon as you work out the reason for your inclusion on this list; I am sure you will have assumed most of the details and therefore its inevitable conclusion.

That is all.

- Jenkins

Life Imitating Art or Visa Versa

So it seems my name crops up in an episode of Penny arcade:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/1/25/

The comic sketch actually has nothing to do with me but I'm one of those people that draw the attention to things with their name in because it amuses them.

The man who could sit anywhere

Lovely little newgrounds cartoon- havent seen one worth noting in a while. Well here we are...I have now.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/526565

Stupidest thing I've seen today

I kid you not- Avatar yourself. My brain boils if I try and think of what possible reason you could have to use this- or what you would do with the image once you had it! If you've been looking around facebook recently you'll most likely have seen this advertisement as well. Why go through a lengthy on-line process to come up with a poor auto-photoshopped image when you could get the same effect by holding your breath and having glow worms defecate on your face.... you would be left with more dignity that way.

Fixing portal

If at any point you become separated form your weighted companion cube the I've found that seven turrets work just as well

-Brown

Aastal & Läbi...

IN: Estonian Translation websites, Weetabix with hot milk, 'Joe 90' Glasses, Learning to walk (if you're 13 months old and just sick of crawling), Grizzly Bear.

OUT: Lady GaGa, No toilet paper, Pregnant Women who smoke, Elliot Morley, David Chaytor and Jim Devine.