Just say No

At what point do the people responsable for this visual Buggery sit
back and say "yep that looks good. Good work boys- get it blown up to
the size if a house to scare the children would you?".

Shpin-Mentsh (שפּינוועבס - ענטש)

Sometimes life is so fucking brilliant I can't even wrap my head around it!

- Jenkins

the future is scary...

Explain this... WIN PRIZES!!!

Creativity...

Whilst taking one of my frequent first class journeys upon the
underground I came across this. It appears that TFL are treating us to
some tasetefully re-designed tube carrages. The stroke of genius with
this perticular one is that whatever it is supposed to say is obscured
by the open doors. A bold move for what has, up until now, been a very
rigourusly upkept style for the London underground. Bravo TFL, glad to
see the absoloutly fair ticket price I pay every day to travel on your
motorised coffins is being put to good use. That is of course if this
artwork was done by you...on perpouse and not just vandalised while it
was parked outside. In that case clean it...workshy

Friends...

I am currently sat at my desk pausing for reflection and considering my loved ones.

[awwww]

Yes, mushy as it sounds, I am thinking about all the wonderful people I have in my life, be they near or far, whether we spoke yesterday or haven't spoken for over a year; I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of all of you.

I hope you are all enjoying your lives and kicking ass in whatever way is deemed appropriate.

Especial shout outs to the following:

Anthony, Andrea, Jon, Dom, George, Scott, Mike-not-me, Jethro, Martin & Mel, Laura, Mikey, Lorna, Chut, Andy, Ben, Will, Cat, Declan, Fay, Jenny, Isobella, Phil, Nigel, Tanya, Jah'mez & Dylan.

Well done. You all rule.

- Jenkins

A brief daliance on a wasted life

Believe me when I say that in the grand scheme of things; you have done nothing with your life.

Not that I have anything to shout about either... we are all in this predicament. It's not for want of trying either, we've all kissed another human being (I hope), eaten a few really good meals, been to a gig, got drunk, thrown up, embarrassed ourselves in front of a large number of our peers, stood motionless in the rain feeling alive, ran so fast our lungs felt like they were going to burst, abused a sibling, wet the bed, picked our nose, rubbed one out, hid the evidence, guiltily sang along to 'It's Raining Men', dreamed of flying like a bird, stolen at least one item & imagined explicit sexual discourse with at least one public figure of a questionable moral disposition...

but none of us look like this guy:

Now he's LIVED.


Believe.

- Jenkins

Minimal working hours

Looks like you've got to be quick to catch a drink at this pub. With
only an hour licence a day they only need one staff member. Mind you
he's damn buisy at lunch times.

The Power of Advertising

Now I'm all for self promotion but this little stunner I stumbled upon is truly something else. Found in the window of a corner shop I happened to be passing, this advert for a "Mature Black Lady" caught my eye. Upon further inspection it seems this lady is not only capable of providing, what I can only presume is a first class, Zanzibar Massage but also boasts "Most services, 24/7" and most importantly "no rush". These are very important details to be included on an advertisement for a massage I'm sure, but it does beg the question as to what are "most services" and what are the services she would refuse? Give her a call if you are interested to know...except you can't because i've blurred the number. No one gets free advertising here unless a huge bribe is involved.

What I have been listening to...

Another beautifully crafted '5 of the week' for you...

(no particular order but now with clickable links!)

1: Yael Naim - Toxic (16 Bit Dubstep Remix)

2: Gorillaz - Stylo (Alex Metric Remix)

3: Jamiroquai - Canned Heat (Calvin Harris Remix)

4: Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

5: Hot Chip - Thieves in the Night



That'll do, lad... that'll do.

- Jenkins

A Somerset Jam Caravan...

(or James Camerons... Avatar)

Please do ignore the picture by the way. Not having any personal piccies of the man himself, I decided to try and shimmy away from copyright infringement by 'altering' one that already existed. That said, I feel I may have gone the other way with it and perhaps got myself in more trouble with this one.

Oh well.

Right. So, Avatar then...

erm...

errr...

It was kind of...

ummm...

[phew]

I guess you could say it was...

[groan]

It was stunning. Truly stunning. Fuck. You have no idea how much it pains me to say this because it was just the same with that fucking boat movie with the naked chick and the boy-man.
I didn't want to see it. Brown made me see it. I didn't want to like it. I liked it.
(Annoying, no?)

Yes. mainly because there were so many reasons why I shouldn't have liked it.
I mean, let's face it; t'was a tad contrived, was it not? Artificial worlds. Energy born of everything, borrowed by all, kept by none. Man as the destroyer. Hope. Truth. Pantheism. Blue people. Spirituality in its most byte-sized format so that everyone [read, dumb people] can enjoy it. Hallelujah Mountains. Countless arrays of degenerative extras shouting "Get some!" every other minute among the human marine corps masses. etc etc etc...

Yet, despite the shonky dialogue, abysmal pessimism towards our species' own inevitable demise, incessant need to make every inch of flora and fauna 'neon-rave' luminous and the obligatory wheeling-out of another 'film-score-by-numbers' James Horner soundtrack; I actually really fucking loved it!?

Confussed? Yeah, same.

I mean it really grabs you. It grabs you by the sack and doesn't let go. You're properly on board. You're in the command centre. You're walking through the jungles of Pandora. You're fighting alongside the Na'vi. You're just there.
This isn't even solely down to the 3D glasses, either. Its an experience, sure, but Avatar would get you there on your own, without a giant 3D cinema screen to aid you. It really is that capable a film.
The story has its many faults, but that still doesn't matter because what you have in front of you is enough to nurse you through even the most arcane, banal dialogue. Shit; if you were deaf, this film would be the greatest thing you had ever seen in your life because your experience wouldn't be impaired in any other way.

So, marks out of 10 then:

Script: 2/10
Story: 4/10
Score: 2/10
Visuals: 10/10

Overall: 10/10

How does that still make it 10/10?!

Just go se it, then we'll talk.

- Jenkins

Enough to make your mind bleed

The creation of the universe, the existance of god, what are the 11
secret herbs and spices? These are just some of the many mysterys if
the world that people have pondered over for eons. One that I myself
am pondering over is this abomination; Star wars the musical. Now I
don't know if I saw a diffident version of star wars to everyone else
(what with there being about 34 diffident versions I admit that is
completely possible) but I dot remember any event in star wars being
that musically driven. With the likes of lion king and other films
being converted to a stage musical I guess it was only a matter o time
until big George took a look at the stage and said- "I haven't raped
that yet, I shall being the world of star wars to the stage, as it was
always ment to be seen- in song!". I shudder to think of the thought
of him adding lyrics to the imprial march- or witnessing the R2D2
dancing midgets. Alas we can be sure of this- it will most likely be 2
hours of watching depressed teenagers, destroying their dreams,
dancing around infront of various shades if green backdrops. Of course
Lucus hasn't realised that chroma keying cannot be done in the eye if
the audience.